it isn't that I have it all figured out, but I feel at peace with myself about it. I was mad for awhile that my vulnerability was responded to with defensiveness but I've finally been able to see that as a measure of her vulnerability. If that makes sense. It does to me. So it is a place with more room for grace.
Grace is a good thing.
I have been riding regularly, and it is going well actually in that I feel like she's responding and we're making progress. The show this month has turned into a ride-a-test and so costs nearly as much as a clinic lesson and so that made me gasp but I did know it would be more expensive. So I do still want to do it but I'll consider just doing a clinic lesson instead -- an hour for just a little more money. Or a lesson with a judge on the test that I'll likely be riding the rest of the year (which would mean, probably, that I'll go for T3). None of that is decided though.
I will say that bear skin works well.