I guess sometimes it is how something is worded. “What did you learn in your lesson?” If I’d answered that question, I would have said “nothing” but I took a clue from my brilliant son and answered a different question instead, with basically what I said on this blog about the lesson. It was a great lesson but I can't say I "learned" something because, to me, it takes more than that to learn something.
Then I was told that Andre had said privately, “I wish people wouldn’t use the term ‘forward‘ at all.” Well, since I’m the only one on the farm who ever talks about forward, I’m feeling a bit defensive about that one.
I don’t come to this thing tabula rasa, I have knowledge and experience and opinions and biases already, and one of the things I really really think is, you have to go forward. I know rhythm and regularity are at the base of the training scale, but I also know that you have to go forward to BE rhythmic and regular. I’m not a blithering idiot; I know that “forward” does not mean “faster tempo”. But people, a gate cannot be “pure” if it lacks forwardness (like a four beat canter); people cannot learn to post on a horse who is jogging; etc.
Ok, now that I’ve got that off my chest. I’m sure I shouldn’t take it personally. I'm sure I shouldn't take it personally but I swear I am the only one on that farm who ever says that word.
So, I rode today. I just saddled quickly and went out back and walked that hill three times. Then I cantered in the back ring. My thoughts were on fitness today, and relaxation, and doing something different.
I will ride this out, in Andre and Lisa's way. I recognize that I am riding by grace and that I am not autonomous. I'm afraid sometimes of wanting too much. I afraid sometimes of wanting too much to be good.
I will ride their way and take my own lessons from it.
But I am good, damn it.