I've had a couple of opportunities come up in the past couple of weeks, and the truth is, nothing makes me feel more insecure. What if I fail? But that quickly morphs in to,"What is failure?" And then the definition of what I DO want to do. I don't want to have the opportunity to ride this horse because I want to compare myself to someone else, but for what I can (in a small way) offer this horse and this horse's person. I don't want to help this person become more comfortable on her horse in order to prove myself to anyone at all but for what I can (in a small way) offer this person and her horse.
And usually I don't really know what that is.
And then the insecurity again.
And how do you teach lightness? I'm just starting to figure it out myself, maybe, and there are layers upon layers.
I think I'm not ambitious. I don't have an ambition to "make" a bridle horse, just a decent snaffle horse. A light snaffle horse. A bold snaffle horse. A willing snaffle horse. A horse I could open a gate with, cross a stream with, push a cow with, gallop a cross country jump with. All with grace.
I just like playing with horses. I just like that moment.
I dislike proving, testing in that way where "failure" is not interesting information but basis for judgment.
I'm beginning to learn to not look at how someone doesn't do something, but at how they do do it.
I used the affirmation for a long time, "I have something to offer." I'm just not sure what that is.
Except me.
Monday, October 26, 2015
Friday, October 9, 2015
relationship
In this whole horsemanship thing I've struggled to define what "relationship" really is. People can make a horse be obedient and not have a real relationship with that horse. When you ask a horse to do something and the horse does it not only because it is obedient but because it was you who asked, that's relationship. And when you ask your horse to do something and he does not do it and you don't assume he is only being disobedient but has a reason and if you don't know what it is, you look for it, that's relationship. It is a two way street. That might not be all relationship in horsemanship is, but it is part of it and it was part of what I was thinking about today.
Saturday, October 3, 2015
a better human being
The thing about humans that often makes their work with horses ineffective is that humans are always living in the next moment; at least in the next moment, if not one five years out. Get the bridle on in order to ride, turn the horse out in order to get home
Horses are all here and now, although they will remember if you've been an ass (or nice). They think how you put the bridle on is just as important as what you are going to do later with them in it. If they disregard you at the gate and tear away from you before you even get the halter off, they disregarded you long before that and they will continue to the next time they see you too.
The thing about horses and humans is that sometimes, rarely, a human may help a horse heal, but the horse pretty much always heals the human, and I believe that is the result of the horse requiring the human to be fully present in the here and now to be at all effective with that horse. Also, to be effective with horses you can never lose your temper, you have to take what you get today, you cannot take it or mean it personally, and you cannot be impatient. All make for a better human being.
Horses are all here and now, although they will remember if you've been an ass (or nice). They think how you put the bridle on is just as important as what you are going to do later with them in it. If they disregard you at the gate and tear away from you before you even get the halter off, they disregarded you long before that and they will continue to the next time they see you too.
The thing about horses and humans is that sometimes, rarely, a human may help a horse heal, but the horse pretty much always heals the human, and I believe that is the result of the horse requiring the human to be fully present in the here and now to be at all effective with that horse. Also, to be effective with horses you can never lose your temper, you have to take what you get today, you cannot take it or mean it personally, and you cannot be impatient. All make for a better human being.
Friday, July 31, 2015
It's so worth my time
I *love* going out to the fields to get horses. Of course, sometimes I dread it -- long walk, heat, the time it takes. And then after the ride, usually they have to be taken back out, which IS shorter because you just turn them loose at the closest gate. But still.
But still. It is some of the best bonding and learning time there is. Herd learning. Here in high summer they don't generally come to me, not from very far away anyway. I walk out and note where they are for the time of day, and who is with whom. I have my intention clear in my own head and heart about who I am coming for, although I will pet and pay attention to others if that is what happens.
If the whole herd is totally ignoring me I have been known to sit down, or even lay flat out, and wait. Because one of them will get curious. And then I get to laugh as they seem to comment, "You are the weirdest human being we've ever known."
If who I intend to work with gives me eyes and ears, I stop and allow them to come if they will. With grass they usually don't. With less grass they usually do. And once I'm closer they usually do. Sometimes they will come from way away; that is always a gift. And usually, once they come to me, we can choose to not halter at all until ready to go through the gate, we can play stick to me at different gates, and yields. Sometimes I get to see a bit of their playfulness. This is a quality that I'm trying to figure out how to better bring out in other work. Play. Desire.
And for sure, work is play for me.
*The title of this post is a quote from someone I was unfortunate enough to work with for a time. We got paid per ride and he would say, "It's not worth my time to go get one." Obviously, I disagree.
But still. It is some of the best bonding and learning time there is. Herd learning. Here in high summer they don't generally come to me, not from very far away anyway. I walk out and note where they are for the time of day, and who is with whom. I have my intention clear in my own head and heart about who I am coming for, although I will pet and pay attention to others if that is what happens.
If the whole herd is totally ignoring me I have been known to sit down, or even lay flat out, and wait. Because one of them will get curious. And then I get to laugh as they seem to comment, "You are the weirdest human being we've ever known."
If who I intend to work with gives me eyes and ears, I stop and allow them to come if they will. With grass they usually don't. With less grass they usually do. And once I'm closer they usually do. Sometimes they will come from way away; that is always a gift. And usually, once they come to me, we can choose to not halter at all until ready to go through the gate, we can play stick to me at different gates, and yields. Sometimes I get to see a bit of their playfulness. This is a quality that I'm trying to figure out how to better bring out in other work. Play. Desire.
And for sure, work is play for me.
*The title of this post is a quote from someone I was unfortunate enough to work with for a time. We got paid per ride and he would say, "It's not worth my time to go get one." Obviously, I disagree.
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
turn out
Some weeks one horse or another from the field gets brought in, practices staying in a stall, gets worked with several times. Usually Jin or her brother Whiskers. This week it was Jin.
Now, Jin has been so introverted. I could tell you all about her bottom of the herd place, about how it took some months before she could acknowledge a shoulder scratch as a pleasant thing, about how cantering seems to be exceedingly difficult for her. Not physically. Physically she is a glorious specimen. But letting go that much. Meeting the world at that pace.
Then I could go in to the seeming fact that most horses I ride seem to have some issue going into canter. Yeah, not right now. Besides, it's improving.
So here we are. Sometime she'll offer canter at liberty. Sometimes she'll maintain a whole circle at canter on-line. We can canter a couple times around the arena. Simple changes are usually fairly simple. We've even done a flying change or two. She can trot a tiny jump and canter off usually. She can do the riding part of that stuff with other horses, sometimes even a lot of other horses, around.
Where she used to always be alone in the field, sometimes now she's with a horse or two, often Rock. Who I swear I drool over Rock -- he is just gorgeous in that classic little QH way with the softest brown eyes and he might be next year's project. Used to you'd turn her out and she'd just see if you had a carrot for her and when you left her, she'd walk off picking. Used to you'd never see her cantering in the field, even coming TO grain. She might trot. Her favorite ploy was to walk so as not to draw any attention and thus get to eat in peace until the others caught on. But canter? I almost never saw it.
Until this morning. We rode last night and she went out with Belle. I brought her in, let her eat, then turned her out. That field of horses were not in sight -- likely they were at the creek which is the furthest corner of the field and that's a big field. I took her halter off, scratched her belly button, and went to the gate. She looked at me. "I don't have a cookie today." She looked to the horizon. Nickered. Belle nickered back from the barn, and then CC or somebody from another field. Jin nickered again. Then trotted away from the nickers and toward the unseeable creek.
Then teetered up to a canter. Nice, easy, canter. Then someone nickered and she broke back to a trot for a few strides, then back up, other lead. Kind of just like we've been doing it except effortless of course.
And then she was over the hill.
Next week's concentration should be on Zip.
But I'm kind of thinking of trying to do a level 3 freestyle audition with Belle. And needing to see where I am approaching level 3 online and liberty with Jin. Or somebody. That could be Zip really because he's so free with himself when you aren't on him. I just haven't worked with him a lot.
Now, Jin has been so introverted. I could tell you all about her bottom of the herd place, about how it took some months before she could acknowledge a shoulder scratch as a pleasant thing, about how cantering seems to be exceedingly difficult for her. Not physically. Physically she is a glorious specimen. But letting go that much. Meeting the world at that pace.
Then I could go in to the seeming fact that most horses I ride seem to have some issue going into canter. Yeah, not right now. Besides, it's improving.
So here we are. Sometime she'll offer canter at liberty. Sometimes she'll maintain a whole circle at canter on-line. We can canter a couple times around the arena. Simple changes are usually fairly simple. We've even done a flying change or two. She can trot a tiny jump and canter off usually. She can do the riding part of that stuff with other horses, sometimes even a lot of other horses, around.
Where she used to always be alone in the field, sometimes now she's with a horse or two, often Rock. Who I swear I drool over Rock -- he is just gorgeous in that classic little QH way with the softest brown eyes and he might be next year's project. Used to you'd turn her out and she'd just see if you had a carrot for her and when you left her, she'd walk off picking. Used to you'd never see her cantering in the field, even coming TO grain. She might trot. Her favorite ploy was to walk so as not to draw any attention and thus get to eat in peace until the others caught on. But canter? I almost never saw it.
Until this morning. We rode last night and she went out with Belle. I brought her in, let her eat, then turned her out. That field of horses were not in sight -- likely they were at the creek which is the furthest corner of the field and that's a big field. I took her halter off, scratched her belly button, and went to the gate. She looked at me. "I don't have a cookie today." She looked to the horizon. Nickered. Belle nickered back from the barn, and then CC or somebody from another field. Jin nickered again. Then trotted away from the nickers and toward the unseeable creek.
Then teetered up to a canter. Nice, easy, canter. Then someone nickered and she broke back to a trot for a few strides, then back up, other lead. Kind of just like we've been doing it except effortless of course.
And then she was over the hill.
Next week's concentration should be on Zip.
But I'm kind of thinking of trying to do a level 3 freestyle audition with Belle. And needing to see where I am approaching level 3 online and liberty with Jin. Or somebody. That could be Zip really because he's so free with himself when you aren't on him. I just haven't worked with him a lot.
Monday, July 20, 2015
DQ and NH
I got to watch a lesson with a rider and a horse I know, with a young DQ I'm also quite familiar with. I learned some useful stuff, some stuff I think I can apply. She's good, the DQ, a good rider, a good teacher. Accomplished. Young. "Make the resistance harder than the work." That was something I heard from K but I could hear it today too. "He needs to KNOW" blah blah blah.
And it is true. They need to know. We need to be consistent.
But there is also this thing called desire. And horses have it too. A lot of it is good riding -- horses ridden well like to be ridden. I remember particularly the grey arab mares in the 3rd quarter pool at MM, and when the two girly girls got them (I do not remember their names), the horses refused jump after jump. I remember the day Struby let me take one from one of those girls. I'd had her the previous week if I remember correctly and we'd jumped everything. She was a horse you had to ride, true enough -- you couldn't point her and sit there. Thinking back on it it was truly what Buck talks about having the rectangle and keeping the horse in the rectangle. That little mare would try every side of that rectangle and if there was a crack anywhere, she wasn't going over that jump. But if you moved the rectangle over that jump, she went picture perfect. So maybe you couldn't say she had desire; she wasn't Lucky who when he went in an arena and there were jumps, he said (and you could hear him), "Oh good." But I don't remember her hating jumping either.
Of course, it was a thing with me then. And I was never afraid I would get more than I could handle because I knew I could handle *anything*. Dumb young kid. But I also remember Out of Luck Charlie. Oh, I loved that horse. Everyone hated that horse. He was known to kick in the stall, and they were tie stalls. So when I drew him, on Sunday I went to his stall, to his head in the feed isle, with a bag of carrots and I talked to him. "Look, I'll be riding you and I'd really like to not get kicked so I'll bring you a carrot every day and I won't surprise you and I'll be good to you and you'll be good to me. Deal?" He was not naturally forward so talking him into that was . . . interesting. I got to ride him in one of the BIG group rides for Mrs. M (K) and I got chosen to lead because she knew it would push me and then also push some of the riders on the bigger, more forward horses, just in different directions. And that was the day Mrs. M said how good I'd become. It meant the world to me. Anyway, he never even raised a hoof. We got along famously. I even got an A on him on show day but it was because I didn't place at all -- he *always* refused on show day because he'd learned he could, so I took a crop with me and when, two strides out from that first jump he sucked back, he felt that crop and went on and we had a wonderful round but the crop disqualified us but we didn't need it next time at all.
So a lot of it is riding, whether it is that grey arab or Charlie -- if you can get them to want to do for you, they will.
But there is also deeper relationship, at least possible. And there are also the horse's responsibilities. And those are likely things I've really only learned theoretically in the last four years even if I knew some of it intuitively before.
You know, a horse may be obedient and not spook badly at something, but that doesn't mean he trusts his rider OR that he is brave -- only that he is more dreadful of the consequences of spooking badly. Obedient is good, but sometimes you have to listen to your horse too.
I know I'm not the first person to be trying to look at these things. I'm certainly not the most talented or gifted person to do it. I'm too old. I want to be open, to try it, but I also want to be on the horse's side of this thing. "I'm here for the horse." Ray said that. Likely Tom too. I try to tell people who work, "There isn't a list of tasks that have to be done and then the job is done. The job is to take care of the horses and you do certain tasks to do that but you might have to do more than that." Or sometimes even less than that. I try to tell people, "Every time you do anything with any horse, you are training that horse." The relationship with that horse cannot be all one way, top down.
Can you go low deep and round if you give immediately? Can they learn to step that inside hind up under and cross over from hq yields? Can they be attentive to the rider without having to be told every step? Can you know exactly where every foot is without riding every step? Does dressage have to destroy a horse's hocks? Can I ride a horse and not make them reticent to go forward (wtf)? When is it set it up and wait and when is it "I said now"?
And it is true. They need to know. We need to be consistent.
But there is also this thing called desire. And horses have it too. A lot of it is good riding -- horses ridden well like to be ridden. I remember particularly the grey arab mares in the 3rd quarter pool at MM, and when the two girly girls got them (I do not remember their names), the horses refused jump after jump. I remember the day Struby let me take one from one of those girls. I'd had her the previous week if I remember correctly and we'd jumped everything. She was a horse you had to ride, true enough -- you couldn't point her and sit there. Thinking back on it it was truly what Buck talks about having the rectangle and keeping the horse in the rectangle. That little mare would try every side of that rectangle and if there was a crack anywhere, she wasn't going over that jump. But if you moved the rectangle over that jump, she went picture perfect. So maybe you couldn't say she had desire; she wasn't Lucky who when he went in an arena and there were jumps, he said (and you could hear him), "Oh good." But I don't remember her hating jumping either.
Of course, it was a thing with me then. And I was never afraid I would get more than I could handle because I knew I could handle *anything*. Dumb young kid. But I also remember Out of Luck Charlie. Oh, I loved that horse. Everyone hated that horse. He was known to kick in the stall, and they were tie stalls. So when I drew him, on Sunday I went to his stall, to his head in the feed isle, with a bag of carrots and I talked to him. "Look, I'll be riding you and I'd really like to not get kicked so I'll bring you a carrot every day and I won't surprise you and I'll be good to you and you'll be good to me. Deal?" He was not naturally forward so talking him into that was . . . interesting. I got to ride him in one of the BIG group rides for Mrs. M (K) and I got chosen to lead because she knew it would push me and then also push some of the riders on the bigger, more forward horses, just in different directions. And that was the day Mrs. M said how good I'd become. It meant the world to me. Anyway, he never even raised a hoof. We got along famously. I even got an A on him on show day but it was because I didn't place at all -- he *always* refused on show day because he'd learned he could, so I took a crop with me and when, two strides out from that first jump he sucked back, he felt that crop and went on and we had a wonderful round but the crop disqualified us but we didn't need it next time at all.
So a lot of it is riding, whether it is that grey arab or Charlie -- if you can get them to want to do for you, they will.
But there is also deeper relationship, at least possible. And there are also the horse's responsibilities. And those are likely things I've really only learned theoretically in the last four years even if I knew some of it intuitively before.
You know, a horse may be obedient and not spook badly at something, but that doesn't mean he trusts his rider OR that he is brave -- only that he is more dreadful of the consequences of spooking badly. Obedient is good, but sometimes you have to listen to your horse too.
I know I'm not the first person to be trying to look at these things. I'm certainly not the most talented or gifted person to do it. I'm too old. I want to be open, to try it, but I also want to be on the horse's side of this thing. "I'm here for the horse." Ray said that. Likely Tom too. I try to tell people who work, "There isn't a list of tasks that have to be done and then the job is done. The job is to take care of the horses and you do certain tasks to do that but you might have to do more than that." Or sometimes even less than that. I try to tell people, "Every time you do anything with any horse, you are training that horse." The relationship with that horse cannot be all one way, top down.
Can you go low deep and round if you give immediately? Can they learn to step that inside hind up under and cross over from hq yields? Can they be attentive to the rider without having to be told every step? Can you know exactly where every foot is without riding every step? Does dressage have to destroy a horse's hocks? Can I ride a horse and not make them reticent to go forward (wtf)? When is it set it up and wait and when is it "I said now"?
Friday, July 3, 2015
relationship
She was the most standoffish horse ever, really. She'd be caught. She'd ride. She'd let you groom her. She obediently and softly picked up all her feet from one side. But she didn't like anything.
Imajin BN Broke. What a name. Her mother was a little tiny mare named Spec. Her daddy was Dr. Haught's stud. Both squirrelly. Bottom of the pecking order. She liked to come in but it seemed as much because she wanted to be invisible in a stall as anything else.
Then one day I went to get her. I had in mind a nice little ride in the fields I think. I put her in a stall. I likely gave her some grain because I usually do that with the field horses I bring in. And something that day made me scratch on her shoulder, right where the neck comes in. Maybe I was grooming her, maybe it was before that. But I could tell she liked it, even though there were really no outward signs. It was likely an exhale, or a relaxation of the eye and ears. That small. Until I stepped away from her and she turned so as to "give" me the shoulder again, asking me to keep scratching.
That was the first ever interaction with me initiated by her. I scratched her for a long time. Then I took her back out to the field and turned her out again.
In a lot of ways we've come a long way since then. Not nearly so far as I would have liked to. Gosh, I would like to have done so much. But she canters now, at least in a manner of speaking. We don't have the nice dressage transitions to it still, STILL, but she's usually willing. Even online she will canter now, and she's offered it at liberty boomerang come to me. She gets stuck sometimes if we are riding out and there is not a horse to follow but with a little work we can get past it, but it does take the work. She will step in most any puddle. She doesn't like trailers. She will get on the stock trailer, and with skilled help I can get her on other things but she doesn't much like it. You know, so there is stuff. She can make me feel like I am so freaking ignorant. I am so fascinated at the layers we go through -- like how now she can sometimes have "happy feet" where she used to be so stuck, so "if I'm really really still, no one will see me".
But if I go into the field, she comes. Maybe slow with the grass in, but she knows I'm her heard. Sometimes, but not always, she'll play with me. It is in there. If I can get that out, she'll do for me. That I'm sure of. And she loves to be scratched now, in a lot of different places, and she will do the reciprocal thing too. And that's a big deal for her. And for me.
And the last time playing with her, she put all four feet on the pedestal and stood there. She's always liked the pedestal but ours is a little small and she is a big horse but once she was up there she was like, oh. And I emptied my pockets and scratched her belly and then we ate grass on the way back out.
Now I'm riding her half brother Whiskers too. He is very much like her in body, less squirrelly in mind. A solid citizen. But oh I so do not have his heart yet. I may only have half of Jin's heart, even in all this time, but his is not mine. And only time will break through that. Time and scratches.
So today I spent all morning grooming and searching for those spots, and working on him asking me questions. And this afternoon on getting some more language. Jin watched this last from her field.
Imajin BN Broke. What a name. Her mother was a little tiny mare named Spec. Her daddy was Dr. Haught's stud. Both squirrelly. Bottom of the pecking order. She liked to come in but it seemed as much because she wanted to be invisible in a stall as anything else.
Then one day I went to get her. I had in mind a nice little ride in the fields I think. I put her in a stall. I likely gave her some grain because I usually do that with the field horses I bring in. And something that day made me scratch on her shoulder, right where the neck comes in. Maybe I was grooming her, maybe it was before that. But I could tell she liked it, even though there were really no outward signs. It was likely an exhale, or a relaxation of the eye and ears. That small. Until I stepped away from her and she turned so as to "give" me the shoulder again, asking me to keep scratching.
That was the first ever interaction with me initiated by her. I scratched her for a long time. Then I took her back out to the field and turned her out again.
In a lot of ways we've come a long way since then. Not nearly so far as I would have liked to. Gosh, I would like to have done so much. But she canters now, at least in a manner of speaking. We don't have the nice dressage transitions to it still, STILL, but she's usually willing. Even online she will canter now, and she's offered it at liberty boomerang come to me. She gets stuck sometimes if we are riding out and there is not a horse to follow but with a little work we can get past it, but it does take the work. She will step in most any puddle. She doesn't like trailers. She will get on the stock trailer, and with skilled help I can get her on other things but she doesn't much like it. You know, so there is stuff. She can make me feel like I am so freaking ignorant. I am so fascinated at the layers we go through -- like how now she can sometimes have "happy feet" where she used to be so stuck, so "if I'm really really still, no one will see me".
But if I go into the field, she comes. Maybe slow with the grass in, but she knows I'm her heard. Sometimes, but not always, she'll play with me. It is in there. If I can get that out, she'll do for me. That I'm sure of. And she loves to be scratched now, in a lot of different places, and she will do the reciprocal thing too. And that's a big deal for her. And for me.
And the last time playing with her, she put all four feet on the pedestal and stood there. She's always liked the pedestal but ours is a little small and she is a big horse but once she was up there she was like, oh. And I emptied my pockets and scratched her belly and then we ate grass on the way back out.
Now I'm riding her half brother Whiskers too. He is very much like her in body, less squirrelly in mind. A solid citizen. But oh I so do not have his heart yet. I may only have half of Jin's heart, even in all this time, but his is not mine. And only time will break through that. Time and scratches.
So today I spent all morning grooming and searching for those spots, and working on him asking me questions. And this afternoon on getting some more language. Jin watched this last from her field.
Friday, June 12, 2015
woo woo
There are, I believe, things in this world/Universe that are not "scientific" -- that science cannot explain. Science is a useful tool, but like a hammer, has its limits. I suppose this makes sense to horsemen who have a connection with their horses that can't really be explained, especially by science.
And so people make up religions to explain things. I don't think that works so well either because then they get in fights about how literal seven days is or whether daylight savings time or gay marriage is "Biblical" or not. I just think there are some things I can't explain from this dimension. Like dreams and how they make sense when you are dreaming them but when you wake up suddenly they don't make a lick of sense -- because they were dealing in a different dimensionality. Like the fact that so many "religious" things (writings, experiences, whatever) are similar across religions and cultures -- the things in common are the most likely to be "real" or "right" or probably a much better word would be "useful".
All that to introduce today's woo woo. That I can't explain. That I don't know what it means. That I don't know where it will go. But it is definitely some synchronicity and it has been a persistent and long term synchronicity too.
So to tell the whole thing:
I grew up with horses. I thought that was going to be my whole life's thing by the time I was 18, but by the time I was 20, I had fallen into an abyss (or run full speed ahead into it) and for the next 20 years didn't have horses at all. That was timed pretty perfectly to coincide with the rise of "natural horsemanship". So I knew *nothing* about it.
Once I found horses again, it took me ten years to wiggle my way back to really being with them again. And that was where I really started learning about "natural horsemanship" (I mean, you know anyone who knows something about horses knows about some of this stuff, like release the daggummed pressure, but still). And that was the first place I heard the name "Buck Brannaman". That was 2011.
As soon as I heard that name, I found the movie and watched it, and as soon as I watched it I thought, oh gee, what would it be like to get to see him work? Probably only weeks after that Cielo said to me, "He's going to be near me in September. Want to come down?" So we did that. That was 2012.
Of course I'd no more that seen him mount a horse when I just thought, oh wow, wouldn't it be just grand to get to actually ride with him? And when his schedule came out for 2013 my husband said to call, and I called and I got in a clinic even tho at the moment of making that call I did not have the money to do it, I did not have a horse to do it with, I did not have a trailer to get a horse there in, and I did not have a truck to haul a horse trailer with. But by September of that year we'd worked all that out and there I was, riding with Buck. He said two things to me the entire four days: "Your timing is a little late on that Denise," and "That's better." It was so worth it. That was 2013.
Also at least since auditing I'd been poking around and trying to make connections with other folks. I'd say "like-minded" but I'm not sure that is right. But I'm always interested in people's stories, and how they came to know stuff, and be interested in stuff. And somehow in this search I'd found Kathleen. I know NOTHING about her but what was on her website, but she'd started in hunter/jumpers, she'd had a *very* serious setback young (a stroke in her case), and she was still doing horses. In the time I've followed her, she's gotten married, settled at a farm in Georgia, gone through a couple iterations of her business. I can relate to all of it. If I weren't neurotic about money, I'd have already had her to McPherson's for a clinic. But I'm neurotic. And right at this moment that isn't one I've got the time or energy to tackle because too many other really great things take up my time and energy.
At some point a fellow MM alum mentioned to me that she'd co-written a book with Mark Rashid. Hmmm. For whatever reasons, she doesn't mention that she worked with him for like a decade, but she is listed as a trusted trainer on his site. But the library didn't have any of his books.
So then, last fall I'm getting some hay from my friend Johnnie and we of course spend an hour talking horses which is why my husband did not go with me to help me load the hay. And she confessed, "You know, probably my very favorite trainer/writer is Mark Rashid." Well, goosebumps. I told her about my stalking of Kathleen, and we both got goosebumps. That was 2014.
Now in the meantime, I work at a very Parelli barn. And I'd gotten my level one and level two pretty quickly. But Parelli seemed a lot like Spanish to me and I struggled some. Finally, now, after nearly four years, I'm beginning to find some fluency. And some real usefulness. My daughter helped me at Buck and started riding after that and this year she, not I, rode in the Carol Coppinger clinic that McPherson's sponsors every year. And she got her level one and level two. I missed riding, and I'm determined that yes I can get my level three, etc., but one of the things that Johnnie and I did was take the opportunity to exchange books with each other. I took her Buck's ground work book, plus a video or two. She brought me one she had from Mark Rashid. This is 2015.
Today the clinic has been over maybe 10 days, and I finally got around to posting the photos from the clinic although not to organizing my notes yet. But it took me until today to pick up the book she'd brought for me and finally really look at it.
And I opened it up and.
The first thing I see is.
Skyhorse Publishing.
Goosebumps. Because, if you don't know, that's my real chosen last name.
I can't explain. I don't know what it means. I don't know where it will go. But it is definitely some synchronicity and it has been a persistent and long term synchronicity too. All I am doing is paying attention. Acknowledging. Continuing to encourage the good and the happy and the meaningful and the useful and the just plain full and shed otherwise.
And so people make up religions to explain things. I don't think that works so well either because then they get in fights about how literal seven days is or whether daylight savings time or gay marriage is "Biblical" or not. I just think there are some things I can't explain from this dimension. Like dreams and how they make sense when you are dreaming them but when you wake up suddenly they don't make a lick of sense -- because they were dealing in a different dimensionality. Like the fact that so many "religious" things (writings, experiences, whatever) are similar across religions and cultures -- the things in common are the most likely to be "real" or "right" or probably a much better word would be "useful".
All that to introduce today's woo woo. That I can't explain. That I don't know what it means. That I don't know where it will go. But it is definitely some synchronicity and it has been a persistent and long term synchronicity too.
So to tell the whole thing:
I grew up with horses. I thought that was going to be my whole life's thing by the time I was 18, but by the time I was 20, I had fallen into an abyss (or run full speed ahead into it) and for the next 20 years didn't have horses at all. That was timed pretty perfectly to coincide with the rise of "natural horsemanship". So I knew *nothing* about it.
Once I found horses again, it took me ten years to wiggle my way back to really being with them again. And that was where I really started learning about "natural horsemanship" (I mean, you know anyone who knows something about horses knows about some of this stuff, like release the daggummed pressure, but still). And that was the first place I heard the name "Buck Brannaman". That was 2011.
As soon as I heard that name, I found the movie and watched it, and as soon as I watched it I thought, oh gee, what would it be like to get to see him work? Probably only weeks after that Cielo said to me, "He's going to be near me in September. Want to come down?" So we did that. That was 2012.
Of course I'd no more that seen him mount a horse when I just thought, oh wow, wouldn't it be just grand to get to actually ride with him? And when his schedule came out for 2013 my husband said to call, and I called and I got in a clinic even tho at the moment of making that call I did not have the money to do it, I did not have a horse to do it with, I did not have a trailer to get a horse there in, and I did not have a truck to haul a horse trailer with. But by September of that year we'd worked all that out and there I was, riding with Buck. He said two things to me the entire four days: "Your timing is a little late on that Denise," and "That's better." It was so worth it. That was 2013.
Also at least since auditing I'd been poking around and trying to make connections with other folks. I'd say "like-minded" but I'm not sure that is right. But I'm always interested in people's stories, and how they came to know stuff, and be interested in stuff. And somehow in this search I'd found Kathleen. I know NOTHING about her but what was on her website, but she'd started in hunter/jumpers, she'd had a *very* serious setback young (a stroke in her case), and she was still doing horses. In the time I've followed her, she's gotten married, settled at a farm in Georgia, gone through a couple iterations of her business. I can relate to all of it. If I weren't neurotic about money, I'd have already had her to McPherson's for a clinic. But I'm neurotic. And right at this moment that isn't one I've got the time or energy to tackle because too many other really great things take up my time and energy.
At some point a fellow MM alum mentioned to me that she'd co-written a book with Mark Rashid. Hmmm. For whatever reasons, she doesn't mention that she worked with him for like a decade, but she is listed as a trusted trainer on his site. But the library didn't have any of his books.
So then, last fall I'm getting some hay from my friend Johnnie and we of course spend an hour talking horses which is why my husband did not go with me to help me load the hay. And she confessed, "You know, probably my very favorite trainer/writer is Mark Rashid." Well, goosebumps. I told her about my stalking of Kathleen, and we both got goosebumps. That was 2014.
Now in the meantime, I work at a very Parelli barn. And I'd gotten my level one and level two pretty quickly. But Parelli seemed a lot like Spanish to me and I struggled some. Finally, now, after nearly four years, I'm beginning to find some fluency. And some real usefulness. My daughter helped me at Buck and started riding after that and this year she, not I, rode in the Carol Coppinger clinic that McPherson's sponsors every year. And she got her level one and level two. I missed riding, and I'm determined that yes I can get my level three, etc., but one of the things that Johnnie and I did was take the opportunity to exchange books with each other. I took her Buck's ground work book, plus a video or two. She brought me one she had from Mark Rashid. This is 2015.
Today the clinic has been over maybe 10 days, and I finally got around to posting the photos from the clinic although not to organizing my notes yet. But it took me until today to pick up the book she'd brought for me and finally really look at it.
And I opened it up and.
The first thing I see is.
Skyhorse Publishing.
Goosebumps. Because, if you don't know, that's my real chosen last name.
I can't explain. I don't know what it means. I don't know where it will go. But it is definitely some synchronicity and it has been a persistent and long term synchronicity too. All I am doing is paying attention. Acknowledging. Continuing to encourage the good and the happy and the meaningful and the useful and the just plain full and shed otherwise.
Saturday, May 23, 2015
the thinking today
I was thinking today, as I was riding Whiskers who is a horse who is "broke" to ride but he isn't "broke" to much ground work beyond being polite and to nothing like flexions although he is pretty responsive to leg: I was thinking today as I was asking him to trot and asking him to not stick his nose out and asking him to bend just a touch; I was thinking today as I was asking him that stuff after asking him to track up walking a circle, then to drift his HQ, then to step under with his HQ: I was thinking as I asked him to feel back for me even as I made my communication more effective: I was thinking how very different it is to attempt to teach a horse to move correctly than it is to hold a horse in form with hands and legs.
Saturday, May 16, 2015
no skin off my nose
One of the horses I care for is an old stud. Like nearing 30. He is a great and a polite stallion, needs no stud chain. Doesn't do anything but look pretty.
But he IS a stallion. Which does mean testosterone.
So I was having a little issue with him taking him out of the gate at one lot to go to the turn-out. Nothing too big, just him playing, but enough that you don't want just anyone handling that. He would rush, pretend rear, dive for grass. He'd try it sometimes other places but mostly just there, just then.
And then I opened the gate so that tall grass was on his side of it and encouraged him to eat some of it even before he came up to me to put his halter on. I do NOT put his halter on but wait for him to say, ok, I'm ready to put my halter on now. I've learned to do this no matter who I'm haltering, or when or why (pretty much -- I AM human and do sometimes have a time limit), but especially with him because he loves to make you come and get him. I guess it is him moving your feet, essentially. So I don't. You want breakfast? You want to go out? You prefer to stand there? Fine. He very quickly gets over it.
So I open the gate so the tall grass gets to his side, wait for him to chomp chomp chomp then look to me for his halter, and then, waaalaaa, we walk calmly out the gate and to the other field with zero heroics.
How cool.
But he IS a stallion. Which does mean testosterone.
So I was having a little issue with him taking him out of the gate at one lot to go to the turn-out. Nothing too big, just him playing, but enough that you don't want just anyone handling that. He would rush, pretend rear, dive for grass. He'd try it sometimes other places but mostly just there, just then.
And then I opened the gate so that tall grass was on his side of it and encouraged him to eat some of it even before he came up to me to put his halter on. I do NOT put his halter on but wait for him to say, ok, I'm ready to put my halter on now. I've learned to do this no matter who I'm haltering, or when or why (pretty much -- I AM human and do sometimes have a time limit), but especially with him because he loves to make you come and get him. I guess it is him moving your feet, essentially. So I don't. You want breakfast? You want to go out? You prefer to stand there? Fine. He very quickly gets over it.
So I open the gate so the tall grass gets to his side, wait for him to chomp chomp chomp then look to me for his halter, and then, waaalaaa, we walk calmly out the gate and to the other field with zero heroics.
How cool.
Monday, April 27, 2015
four horse gate
One of my favorite things, on the mornings when I am there by myself, is getting two horses at a time in from the four horse PM turnout field. The second two are obviously no problem, but the first two have to be gotten out of the field without the other two getting out, opening and shutting the gate, everyone calm. I love doing this with a sense of quality, softness, ease. When Ray Hunt or Buck Brannaman say, "I don't train horses, I just ride them with quality," well, I know I'm not up to that. I try. I aspire. I try some more. But on this one thing, probably also because there is no one ever looking and no one to compare myself to, I have some quality. Just me and the horses.
There are so many things. Hey guys, I'm coming. Do the two I need first know it. If ONLY they know it, it is easier. That almost never happens, but sometimes. The big marmaduke cannot come first but has to be told daily that he doesn't own the gate, or anything else in this field either. The big old one-eyed man owns the gate, gets his halter first. Then the red gelding, who really doesn't appreciate the big marmaduke but mostly because marmaduke is the only horse he can push around any at all.
It doesn't matter if it is raining or freezing or anything else, get the halters, open the gate in, shut the gate, latch the gate. Ideally they put their own halters on. Wait until they do that. Without anyone getting in any trouble. Wait. Back off any troublemakers, often with just a mare look. Acknowledge I'm the leader here, push your own nose into your own halter, get your pet and smile from me. There can never ever ever be any hurry, any rush. Wait. Back off any trouble makers, arrange leads. Open the gate in. First horse walks out, walks out far enough, I ask for hindquarter yield with lead timed up with the stepping under hind leg. I go out. Second horse comes out, ask for hq yield timed up with reaching under hind foot as soon as haunches clear the gate. Shut and latch gate. Turn pair however required to get on one eyed horse's eyed side. Walk in.
Seems simple. I love it easy and quiet. Sure, there are times when one must get effective, but I love easy and quiet.
There are so many things. Hey guys, I'm coming. Do the two I need first know it. If ONLY they know it, it is easier. That almost never happens, but sometimes. The big marmaduke cannot come first but has to be told daily that he doesn't own the gate, or anything else in this field either. The big old one-eyed man owns the gate, gets his halter first. Then the red gelding, who really doesn't appreciate the big marmaduke but mostly because marmaduke is the only horse he can push around any at all.
It doesn't matter if it is raining or freezing or anything else, get the halters, open the gate in, shut the gate, latch the gate. Ideally they put their own halters on. Wait until they do that. Without anyone getting in any trouble. Wait. Back off any troublemakers, often with just a mare look. Acknowledge I'm the leader here, push your own nose into your own halter, get your pet and smile from me. There can never ever ever be any hurry, any rush. Wait. Back off any trouble makers, arrange leads. Open the gate in. First horse walks out, walks out far enough, I ask for hindquarter yield with lead timed up with the stepping under hind leg. I go out. Second horse comes out, ask for hq yield timed up with reaching under hind foot as soon as haunches clear the gate. Shut and latch gate. Turn pair however required to get on one eyed horse's eyed side. Walk in.
Seems simple. I love it easy and quiet. Sure, there are times when one must get effective, but I love easy and quiet.
Monday, April 13, 2015
if I had a question
Well, the next time I rode her out, by herself, she was broke again, and I don't mean that in the good horse way. Actually what she was was balky. Not too, and it didn't take too long to work through it, but it didn't take less than last time either. I probably did more pressure release and less approach retreat because 1) I wasn't scared and 2) I wasn't patient. In the end it was a good ride, a fun ride, and what I mean by that is that we went everywhere, did everything. I did go into the arena to canter but we did do that and did it quite nicely and quite a bit with more than several and less than numerous transitions on each side.
Now, lots of things go into this for Jin. Hormones #1. If it were all the same to me, she'd either get pregnant or get regumate. But it isn't all the same to me. We've brought her in this week to be turned out with the horse who, it turns out, is the love of her life, another mare who I guess at least isn't mean to her. Jin is in love with her. So our choices there aren't helping. I just don't think they are hurting it either tho -- that it is an issue that is going to be there to deal with anyway.
On the good side, I've been ponying. Which has been interesting and productive. On the bad side, it is these two mares I've ponied so far. But others are coming in the mix. But it'll be next week before I can get to that.
One of the thoughts I've had is that working with her and her being a better horse has NOT made her easier to ride. Which is interesting.
Also, the more confident she gets, the more "left brained" she gets -- "make me" & "what's in it for me".
And when she's unconfident, she accepts me as leader but as she gets more confident, well, maybe there's something missing from my leadership there? I think of Blaze. I think of Zip who I am actively working with now. So far so good with him but I can already tell that at some point he is going to say to me, "Are you my leader or am I yours?"
Now, the absolutely "I control your feet" thing has been VERY important. As Buck puts it, they need to understand (and deeply understand) three things: 1) I can move your feet; 2) you cannot move my feet; 3) you can move your feet without being troubled. I have (perhaps ironically) used this a good bit or standing still. Obviously I need to use it more moving.
If I had a teacher right now I'd ask: How do I do that leadership thing? In the round pen? On the lead rope? Riding?
Now, lots of things go into this for Jin. Hormones #1. If it were all the same to me, she'd either get pregnant or get regumate. But it isn't all the same to me. We've brought her in this week to be turned out with the horse who, it turns out, is the love of her life, another mare who I guess at least isn't mean to her. Jin is in love with her. So our choices there aren't helping. I just don't think they are hurting it either tho -- that it is an issue that is going to be there to deal with anyway.
On the good side, I've been ponying. Which has been interesting and productive. On the bad side, it is these two mares I've ponied so far. But others are coming in the mix. But it'll be next week before I can get to that.
One of the thoughts I've had is that working with her and her being a better horse has NOT made her easier to ride. Which is interesting.
Also, the more confident she gets, the more "left brained" she gets -- "make me" & "what's in it for me".
And when she's unconfident, she accepts me as leader but as she gets more confident, well, maybe there's something missing from my leadership there? I think of Blaze. I think of Zip who I am actively working with now. So far so good with him but I can already tell that at some point he is going to say to me, "Are you my leader or am I yours?"
Now, the absolutely "I control your feet" thing has been VERY important. As Buck puts it, they need to understand (and deeply understand) three things: 1) I can move your feet; 2) you cannot move my feet; 3) you can move your feet without being troubled. I have (perhaps ironically) used this a good bit or standing still. Obviously I need to use it more moving.
If I had a teacher right now I'd ask: How do I do that leadership thing? In the round pen? On the lead rope? Riding?